Thursday, November 06, 2008
Can We Benefit from a Parent's Death?
After writing a book about my late husband’s manic/depression, and meeting so many people with similar problems, I began to wonder about the accepted conclusion that the illness is wholly genetic. It is definitely not as rare as I had thought, found to some degree in almost every family I come across.
Recently I have been reading and re-reading a new book by Jeanne Safer, Ph. D. called Death Benefits. Starting with her own autobiography, it relates story after story of how the death of a controlling parent, especially mothers, releases the new “orphans” to become the real persons they were meant to be. Even acute paranoid schizophrenics have recovered from their illnesses within weeks of their mothers’ deaths. Wow!
The opening of this book is a quote from Auberon Waugh: “Perhaps nobody is completely grown-up until both his parents are dead.” Somehow this thought gives me comfort. Maybe my death will have as much or more meaning than my life.
I have tried to think of myself as the mirror image of Mama, who was so easy to get along with, but must now face the fact that I also have a big part of Daddy in my make-up, the negative know-it-all attitude that made me resent him for so long. Although that has lessened with age, it played a big part in the raising of my kids and affects who they are today.
Thank you, Dr. Safer!
Cora Gail Trent
www.cgtrent.com
cgtrent@att.net
Recently I have been reading and re-reading a new book by Jeanne Safer, Ph. D. called Death Benefits. Starting with her own autobiography, it relates story after story of how the death of a controlling parent, especially mothers, releases the new “orphans” to become the real persons they were meant to be. Even acute paranoid schizophrenics have recovered from their illnesses within weeks of their mothers’ deaths. Wow!
The opening of this book is a quote from Auberon Waugh: “Perhaps nobody is completely grown-up until both his parents are dead.” Somehow this thought gives me comfort. Maybe my death will have as much or more meaning than my life.
I have tried to think of myself as the mirror image of Mama, who was so easy to get along with, but must now face the fact that I also have a big part of Daddy in my make-up, the negative know-it-all attitude that made me resent him for so long. Although that has lessened with age, it played a big part in the raising of my kids and affects who they are today.
Thank you, Dr. Safer!
Cora Gail Trent
www.cgtrent.com
cgtrent@att.net
